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Everybody does it, but we really need to stop. Don’t know what I’m talking about? I’m talking about negative self-talk! How many times a day do you tell yourself things like “I’m just not good enough”, or “I’m not pretty/handsome”, or “I’m fat”, or “I’m never going to amount to anything”? Sometimes we do it in ways that we don’t even realize are negative self-talk: how often do you ask yourself things like “what will people think”, only to opt out of doing something that makes you uniquely you? Well, today, we’re going to stop this beasty in its tracks, hopefully once and for all!

Would you say those things to your best friend or beloved? Think for a moment about one of the people you love most in this world. If there’s not a particular person (I’m sorry….), I want you to think of your dog or your cat or some other pet that you love unconditionally, who loves you back the same way. Now, I want you to imagine saying all the negative, horrible things you say on a routine basis to yourself to that person or pet. You wouldn’t, would you? I have a lap full of kitty cat right now, and there’s no way I’d say half the things I say to myself on a regular basis to this great big ball of purr! I wouldn’t look down at him and say “Kili, you’re just not good enough. You’re a really ugly cat, and you’re fat, and you’re never going to amount to anything.” Nor would I look my beloveds in the eyes and say those things, nor my best friend.

Why don’t we love our Selves as much as we love other people, or even our pets? Obviously, they love us, so why don’t we? What does that say about their life choices, that they picked us to love, if we’re this unworthy of love? That’s a really mean question, isn’t it? Yet every time we say these awful things to ourselves, we’re actually actively asking that question, whether we realize it or not. That’s right: when you criticize you, you are actively criticizing every single person and pet who loves you! You don’t want to do that anymore, now, do you?

Actively flip the script. Let’s get proactive, folks. No, not the acne medication! I mean let’s start intervening in these horrible conversations with ourselves, and taking back control of them! When you feel compelled to say all those nasty things, say their direct opposite: “I’m good enough”, “I’m gorgeous”, “I’m perfect-sized”, “I can be anything I want to be”; “who cares what people think”!

Say these positive opposites as many times a day as you usually say your negative crap. You’ve said the negative crap often enough that you’ve actually come to believe it, so it makes sense that if you say the positive opposites equally often, you’ll eventually convince yourself of them, too!

Develop a mantra. Mantras are repeated words or groups of words that can be repeated again and again, for spiritual or calming effect. Sort of like a “feel good slogan”. Yours might be something as esoteric as “Om Mani Padme Hung” (that’s Buddhist, y’all!), or it could just be “I don’t hear this…I don’t hear this…I don’t hear this” over and over again. Even more effective is to come up with a slogan of your own that actually makes you feel good about you. Something like “I am strong” or “I am stronger”. You can even play M.C. Hammer’s “Can’t Touch This” over and over again inside your brain, if that’s what floats your boat. Whatever works for you; adopt a mantra and have it ready when you mentally hit “play” in order to drown out your own internal B.S.

Learn to see the real you, and let go of your crappy imaginary friend. Because that’s all that other person you’ve been imagining for so long, and focusing all your negative self-talk at is: a figment of your imagination! You–the Real You, your True Self; Authentic You–is a creature of Light, love, and compassion who is capable of anything you set your mind to, and incredibly beautiful, simply because you exist!

Find one thing about you that’s awesome, and start celebrating it today. Maybe you’re really good at making other people laugh, or maybe you can draw or paint or make music. Maybe you have really good hair. Whatever your one thing is, find it, and then celebrate it! I’m not kidding: throw yourself a mini-party for that thing, no matter how small that thing might seem to you in the grand scheme of things. How do you throw yourself a mini-party, especially if you’re on a budget? Give in to that craving for cheesecake or cookies you’ve been having, or light a candle and say “Thank You” to your Higher Power, or splurge and take that thirty minutes to play video games you’ve been meaning to take. Celebrate! And then keep that feeling with you–let it shut the door on negative self-talk for good!

If you do all of these exercises but find you still need help, you might find my CRAP Program E-book helpful. It’s available totally free, if you sign up for my newsletter today. I also offer a wealth of Self-Discovery Tarot and Oracle Card Spreads: my heart is right here, waiting to start a deep internal dialogue with your heart, and help you get back to You!


Michelle Lacona

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