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Lession 9

#1 User is offline   Arthur Strafuss 

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Posted 19 January 2018 - 02:13 PM

Lesson 9

Professional:

  • What’s important to you in a [job, business meeting, the commute to and from work]
  • What does that give you, when you have (use their words…repeat back to them the answer they gave you…if they said ‘safety’, you say ‘what’s important to you about safety?’)
  • How do you know when you have (use their value here…for example, “how do you know when you have safety?). Push for an answer that is based in sensory perception…. meaning, something they will see, hear, or feel that lets them know they have that thing that fulfills their value)


Personal:

  • What’s important to you in a [relationship with a significant other; your spiritual life; your relationship with yourself]
  • What does that give you, when you have it?
  • How do you know when you have it?


VALUES ELICITATION EXERCISE



Print off this page, at least, so you can write down the answers from the person you interview. Don’t be shy; tell people it’s for a homework assignment for an online class you’re taking, and you just need ten minutes of their time.



First, we will divide the responses into two sections: Professional, and Personal. Professional questions will be about career choices and preferences, personal questions will be about personal stuff.



For each context, you will ask the three questions listed above. After you have the value, write is down in the space provided.



Three Professional Values:

One: _It must be important to me.

Two: Gives me a sense of doing well, to push through, to be the best I can

Three: When I feel as if I am a part of the process. In teaching I feel that I give back, and when I do that I am content and happy with myself.

Criteria Equivalence (“proof”) for:

The value listed in One: __I am not depressed in what I do for a living.

The value listed in Two: __I am at one with myself and others__

The Value listed in Three: _I am not angry with myself or others __

Three Personal Values:

One: ____To be true to myself. Hard to do at times, when so many are not.

Two : ___To stand for an important value, for if you do not stand for anything you fall for anything

Three: To be true to the promises I make in my marriage, friends and in my work.



Personal Values Criteria Equivalence (“proof”) for:

The value listed in One: If I am not true to myself then it is hard for me to get up in the morning. I have nothing to look forward to and nothing to work toward.

The value listed in Two: _With a frim hold of something I fall apart, without direction or purpose _

The Value listed in Three: I have been hurt and pained deeply and completely and wish that on not one.



The questions:



Professional:

· What’s important to you in a [job, business meeting, the commute to and from work]

Because it is important to me I, it is the center of who I am where I am going, keeps me on my path. If I can’t do that I am not right with myself.

· What does that give you, when you have (use their words…repeat back to them the answer they gave you…if they said ‘safety’, you say ‘what’s important to you about safety?’)

I find Safety in what I do, I am not a man that is afraid of physical danger do to Vietnam.

· How do you know when you have (use their value here…for example, “how do you know when you have saftety?). Push for an answer that is based in sensory perception….meaning, something they will see, hear, or feel that lets them know they have that thing that fulfills their value)

When I am at peace.



Personal:

· What’s important to you in a [relationship with a significant other; your spiritual life; your relationship with yourself]

Trust, respect, honor

· What does that give you, when you have it?

Security with moving on to the next step.

· How do you know when you have it?

All my feeling and emotions are in the light.





CONVERSATIONAL RECOGNITION OF VALUES



The sentences below are clips from actual conversations. Read each set, and write in the spaces beneath each sentence which values you believe are represented on the communication.



“We have a good relationship, because I know she’s going to be there for me when I get home. She’s not the type of girl to walk out on me like others have.”



Value: Trust, Safety, Looks like Hope

_____________________________________________________________

“She has a little bit of an attitude problem, but she’s a great looking woman and she carries herself well at social events”



Value: Setting for less, Not experanced poor self image______________________________________________________________

“My car may not look that great, but it’s cheap to maintain, and it has never let me down when I needed it.”



Value: Thrifty, their car is not them

______________________________________________________________

“I guess I go to church, because all the people there are so accepting of me.”



Value: Poor self-image, value in friendship_ _____________________________________________________________

“As soon as he started demanding more of my time, I knew it was up to me to end it.”



Value: _____________He/She pick hem, why can’t they work out something and not end it. ____________________________________________________

“The price wasn’t as important to me as knowing that it works.”



Value: True Value is not the price, but the impact on our lives. _________________________________________________________________



Homework:



People reveal more of their internal processes than they realize, each time they communicate about a preference. You have your preferences, too. I want you to spend the next week looking and listening for these preferences in conversation – if you start by learning to see them in others’ communication, it will be easier to spot them in your own. There are some questions – some very personal, so you only want to ask people you know well and trust, and some a little more superficial. I want you to spend a week working them into discussion, and watching and listening to peoples responses. Pay attention to the answers to the two questions:



· What is the value they have around this?

· What is the Evidence Procedure for when the value has been fulfilled?



Here is a list of some questions to consider. Don’t be shy about using your own creativity in this process: Think up 10 questions of your own, and write them down in the spaces provided.



· How do you know when it’s time to fall in love?

When I don’t want to be alone anymore.

· How do you know when you’re falling out of love?

When I realizes that I am thinking of that person 5 times a day

· How do you know when it’s time to be kissed?

We look into each other eyes and give permission. No word are spoken

· So…you’re out shopping for something specific, like a home stereo or a TV…how did you know it was time to decide to get the one you got?

4 things Money, Type, Research, Time

· What is it you like about your current job, and why?

I Can do many other things, but I chose engineering because at the end of the day I am happy.

· What is it you don’t like about your current job, and why?

It gives me satisfaction, and the money



· What is it you enjoy most in your current relationship, and why?

Partnership, Companion, Intimacy, Sharing late night worries. We were not made to live alone, it works better aa a couple.





· What would you like to change most in your current relationship, and why would that change be important to you?

I wish we didn’t have to work so hard, and that we could spend more time with each other.

· What’s your favorite thing to do on your time off? What do you like about that activity, and how it makes you feel?

Read something I never read before. Watch sports. Take a nap. Go for long walks. I can step out of myself and re center. I always feel better, refreshed, and renewed.

· What’s your favorite food to eat on a night out? How do you know when your appetite is satisfied?

Sea food. I know when I am full.











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